My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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