I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
