he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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