Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well you can't waste a boner
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
