Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
