my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
