..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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