Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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