Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
