I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
