It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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