Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
