so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
