someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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