I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
