You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Are my feet made of real feet?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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