I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
