Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
