I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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