If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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