Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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