My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
