We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
