Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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