i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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