There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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