Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
