Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
