she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize