I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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