Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
