I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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