oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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