My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My life is pants optional.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
