Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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