You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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