Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
