Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
