i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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