The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
