i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
