The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
