We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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