He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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