now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
