hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
