Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
