I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize