i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
