he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
