Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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