so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
