my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
