i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
