You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
