Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
