Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
