We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize