It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
