Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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