i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
