Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
