She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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