I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The air was thick with penises
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
