I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize