I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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