Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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