On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
