I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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