the condom got lost in my hair
In America we eat man semen.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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