hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
People in love make me want to vomit
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
