you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
