Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
