we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
