That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
