My boss' voice literally gives me gas
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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