i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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