I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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