Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
