3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
